


Peace Sign

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: Even Numbers [34]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Humor, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Light Angst, Mentioned Allison Hargreeves, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Soft Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “I do know his name, that’s why I’m asking if you know it.” Ben condescendingly remarked, all of a sudden right behind Klaus. For someone who always whined and whined about Klaus not dying, he sure liked scaring the living shit out of him. To teach Ben a lesson, Klaus theatrically clutched his chest as though he were having a heart attack. Klaus offendedly gasped when Ben didn’t seem remotely bothered by his impending death. “I could’vedied,you evil bastard!” Klaus exclaimed, vindictively shoving a rolling pin through his brother’s ghostly form.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Even Numbers [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944895
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Peace Sign

**Author's Note:**

> Like always these are written from the character’s subjective POVs :P
> 
> TW reference to violence

As soon as Klaus’ boyfriend left for work, Ben dramatically closed his book. “Whats his name?” Ben judgementally questioned, aware his brother had absolutely no idea what his boyfriend was called. Which was just absurd. This guy seemed completely harmless, which was the total opposite from Klaus’ usual taste. Why the hell was this man allowing Klaus to be in the apartment alone? That was what Ben would like to know. An entire health and safety risk assessment would have to be carried out before any sane person would allow such a thing, and said assessment would certainly find Klaus too much of a liability for this level of trust.

Screw Ben! Klaus was done with his uppity bullshit. Names were useless, Ben was just being pedantic. They didn’t have their own names until they were twelve, who gives a shit about other people’s? “I’m not telling you his name, you should know it. Shame on you, Benny.” Klaus deflected, struggling to recall what letter his boyfriend’s name even began with. T? H? C? No, that was weed. Shit. Something in this apartment must have his name on it. There had to be some kind of document. Beginning to rifle through the various kitchen drawers, Klaus hoped Ben would assume he was simply stealing. Klaus could do that too whilst he was here, he may as well.

“I do know his name, that’s why I’m asking if you know it.” Ben condescendingly remarked, all of a sudden right behind Klaus. For someone who always whined and whined about Klaus not dying, he sure liked scaring the living shit out of him. To teach Ben a lesson, Klaus theatrically clutched his chest as though he were having a heart attack. Klaus offendedly gasped when Ben didn’t seem remotely bothered by his impending death. “I could’ve _died,_ you evil bastard!” Klaus exclaimed, vindictively shoving a rolling pin through his brother’s ghostly form. 

Oh, so Klaus apparently cared about dying now? That was news to Ben. It would’ve been nice for that concern to have arisen prior to now, that would’ve saved Ben helplessly having to watch him nearly die time and time again. “I knew you weren’t dying, I can tell when you’re dying.” Ben intended to plant the seed of that being a supernatural ability into Klaus’ head, but that wasn’t true. The real reason Ben knew his brother wasn’t legitimately dying was because when he is, he’s annoyingly disinterested in his own mortality. He truly couldn’t give a shit, it was utterly enraging for Ben. One time Klaus actually gave Ben a peace sign. A goddamn peace sign.

“You _can?_...” Klaus murmured, placing the rolling pin back in the drawer. The drawer that infuriatingly didn’t have this man’s goddamn name in it. Where did people keep their names these days? Ben having some kind of sixth sense about death was brand new information to Klaus, but he supposed it made sense. Of course a dead person would hold wisdom about death. It wasn’t all that exciting to learn, Klaus didn’t care either way. Would his boyfriend’s clothes have his name sewn into them? Did real people do that? There was only one way to find out.

Trailing behind Klaus, Ben was irritated by how unfazed he’d been by Ben’s bullshit announcement. That should’ve been a fairly significant discovery for his brother. “Yeah. I can, so maybe you should actually listen to me next time I tell you to call 911...” Half the time when he was overdosing - Klaus was too apathetic to get help, and was saved by the skin of his teeth when somebody else stepped in. It was nearly impossible to encourage Klaus to even follow harm reduction instructions from rehab. Sometimes Ben felt like he had a death wish. His brother needed intensive therapy. He made Ben need intensive therapy. He made goddamn therapists need intensive therapy. 

“Sure thing, Benji.” Klaus wasn’t certain what he’d just agreed to, as he hadn’t been listening to a word Ben had said. There weren’t really any consequences to doing that, since Ben couldn’t force Klaus into anything. Apparently his boyfriend’s clothes didn’t have his name sewn into them, which was kind of a relief. That would’ve been a major turn off. Whilst names meant nothing, Klaus figured he ought to know his own boyfriend’s name. It was probably going to unavoidably come into conversation at some point. “Fine-uh! You win.” Klaus threw his head back with defeat, drawing a complete blank on the name of this man. Ben knew everything, much to Klaus’ chagrin. “What’s his name?”

—

In Ben’s defence, he hadn’t anticipated Klaus getting repeatedly punched for saying the wrong name. He just thought it would’ve been a well deserved slice of humble pie for Klaus. He needed to learn to stop being so self-absorbed, that had been what Ben was trying to achieve. Well... somewhat. It was also petty revenge. It had been a poorly judged move, Ben could see that now.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know he was gonna do that!” Ben reiterated for the millionth time, apologetically smiling. He felt unbearably guilty for his childish trick, it had backfired so awfully. Watching Klaus get murdered was one of Ben’s worst fears, he should’ve known better than to risk inciting such a thing. Sometimes it was indescribably hard not to shit-stir in the chaos of Klaus’ life, it was made so inviting by him behaving like such a dick all the time. This instance was a massive mistake though. Evidently that guy wasn’t quite as harmless as he’d seemed.

It was too late for sorry, Klaus’ face was already less sexy. Marginally. It would take more than a few punches to ruin this, Klaus was confident in that belief. “What the hell did you think he was gonna do?!” Klaus hissed, holding a bag of frozen peas on his eye. Huh, Klaus still didn’t know that guy’s name, despite it being yelled at him multiple times. Like usual, it went in one ear and straight out the other. This was one of the cattiest things Ben had ever done, which was saying something considering how sassy he was. Obviously that guy would’ve thought Klaus was cheating on him... since Klaus had been a _tiny_ bit cheating on him, but that was a whole other vastly unrelated issue. That had nothing to do with their current situation, it wasn’t pertinent. Ben was still the asshole, that was the sole takeaway here. “I could’ve been _murdered!_ ” 

“Since when do you care about being murdered?!” Ben couldn’t believe the audacity of that statement. Almost every day Ben was goddamn terrified of Klaus getting killed, but his brother remained totally unconcerned by the risky predicaments he constantly puts himself in. Not being able to stop him from making these choices was torturous. “If I weren’t already dead, the stress of you would’ve killed me years ago!” Sometimes Ben could genuinley feel his heart anxiously beating like a drum, even though he no longer had one. That was how tense Klaus made him. The amount of times Ben had thought his brother was going to join him in death was unfathomable. Shoving the thawing peas onto the floor, Klaus mimed playing the world’s smallest violin. “I swear to god, Klaus, I’d let the tentacl-“

Giving Klaus a new bag of frozen peas, Diego really wished he could hear the other half of this hallucinated conversation. It seemed quite dramatic, which was very in character for his brother. The risk of Klaus being murdered was something he ran every day just by being so annoying, but clearly something specific had happened here. “Can y’all do this later?” Diego pointed between his brother and the thing he was supposedly looking at. That titchy violin mime had made Diego think of Vanya... shit, when did he last speak to her?! Diego felt like he kept becoming a worse big brother every day. At least he could give Klaus frozen peas, that must count for something. “Who did this to you?” It was hard for Diego to choose whether he wanted to thank this person or to stab them. Perhaps both.

“Some...” Klaus paused, debating whether he wanted to finally come out to Diego. It would make his little straight brain explode, which would be hilarious, but it would also be skirting around emotions. Something Diego was allergic to. Maybe another time. They could save Klaus coming out for the end of the world, that seemed like the only occasion Diego would have feelings. “...body I was dating, they thought I was cheating on them.” Klaus gave Ben a filthy look from his unharmed eye, intending on making him suffer in some way or form. There were so many ways to disappoint Ben, Klaus had plenty of options to choose from. So much fun was to be had.

Thoughtfully spinning a knife, Diego decided that he certainly wanted to stab this person rather than thank them. “Were you?” Diego grunted, quirking an eyebrow. Cheating didn’t justify being punched that viciously, but Diego was frankly being nosy. The one-sided conversation had stirred up his curiosity.

Wait, why did he just ask that?! The more Diego delved into this discussion, the more he regretted it. This chat was straying dangerously close to mentally scarring territory. A territory that Klaus had made well-established with his crude oversharing. Before Diego could take back his question, his brother had already opened his mouth. “No, I wasn’t!” Klaus appeared utterly outraged by the question for a moment, before seemingly having a realisation. “Well... _yeah,_ but that doesn’t, it doesn’t... only a little bit! Theres context, you don’t have the context!” his brother incoherently admitted, not shocking Diego in the slightest. It was like his crotch had intractable ADHD.

In all honestly, Diego didn’t want the context. That would likely leave him needing intensive therapy. “Still shouldn’t’ve beat on you...” Diego disdainfully drawled, holding contempt for both parties - though the person who pummelled Klaus was _definitely_ winning in the competition for Diego’s disdain. Thinking about that asshole was making Diego crack his knuckles. Stabbing them was still an appealing idea. Eudora wouldn’t be a fan of that concept though, which usually meant it wasn’t wise... damn it. They deserved to suffer, and preferably at Diego’s hands. His brother’s knuckles weren’t bloodied, which would indicate he hadn’t fought back. That was frustrating, but not surprising.

Glancing down at Klaus’ bag, Diego nearly sighed at how depressingly empty it was. His brother being homeless was hugely bothersome for Diego, since he was apparently the assigned shelter. If only there were actual places made specifically for homeless people to seek shelter in... “You can crash here tonight, but you gotta leave tomorrow or I’ll give you a matching set.” Diego pointed to his brother’s black eye, already irritated by Klaus’ presence - and it hadn’t even been half an hour since his unwelcome arrival. It was understandable that his brother was constantly bickering with his imaginary friend.

Having no clue what Diego just said, Klaus eagerly nodded anyway. That normally worked out fine. Except when it didn’t. Then it worked out terribly. Paying attention to people took far too much effort, it wasn’t something Klaus was willing to sacrifice. In fact, he was purposefully going to listen to Ben even less as a punishment for this offence. “Can we go to Blockbusters? I _reaaally_ wanna roast Allison’s last movie.” Klaus batted the eyelashes of his uninjured eye, desperate to slaughter her most recent abomination. Considering she could get anything she ever wanted, she sure made a shit load of trashy movies.

Yay! Diego’s broody exterior was slightly broken by this, seeming to have his attention roused by the possibility of being an asshole about Allison. Klaus knew that that was always one of his favorite pastimes. “No. We’re not going to Blockbusters.” Diego sternly shook his head, though his hand was subconsciously edging towards his car keys. They were definitely going to Blockbusters.


End file.
